if i am lost for a day try to find me

am having a blah day.
In a way, it’s actually worse than having a bad day because at least with a bad day there is anger, drama, tears, possible throwing of heavy objects. A blah day is just…well…blah. A bad day can be rescued by a pint of ice cream — or my [...]

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you are the reason that i still believe

The thing is there is never a time when you will be more honest, when your convictions will be stronger, or your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever excites you. Be confident, and take risks, and paint over my words so you can start writing [...]

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the ephemera of every day

A complete deprivation of good coffee and cigarettes has robbed me of my life energy. My limbs melt away into folds of softness, all the air seems to be sucked out of the room and I am left grasping weakly for inspiration that just won’t come.
As usual, the closer it gets to december, the more [...]

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i know the cost of a losing hand

I used to love you.
You shaped the way I think, the way I dreamed, the way I learned how to be as a person. I have the sweetest memories of you and me, as well as the most painful. From the safety of hindsight, I can now see all your faults in sharp relief but [...]

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heed the lighthouse

In the space between dreams and reality my mind throws up memories I forgot I ever had. My sleep addled mind unearths them one by one, like so many pieces of sharp glass to step on. They come out of nowhere, forgotten but familiar, quietly menacing.
They are like warnings, these memories. A warning from me [...]

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don’t lose any sleep tonight, i’m sure everything will end up alright

I have an exam in eight and a half hours that I haven’t prepared for and somehow, tonight, something doesn’t feel right.
When did my own thoughts become such bad company?
Is this why it’s so hard for me to be happy?
Tonight I don’t feel like framing my feelings into words. It all feels like such an [...]

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being alone doesn’t mean that you’re free….so come with me…

One night in Shanghai we got drunk and the cab took a wrong turn. Forty-five minutes later he dropped us off outside the hotel, the sky turning a pale, milky shade of blue, prelude to a dawn.
Later, I lay awake and listened as the city came to life, minute by minute. I thought about the [...]

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i think you need to stop following misery’s lead

“So who broke your heart?,” he asked.
“What?”
“He sure did a number on you.”
I was left speechless for a while. How do you tell a stranger the story of your scars when you don’t fully understand them yourself?
The thing is, after all this time, it’s no longer about him. I am reluctant to talk about it [...]

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ten days of perfect tunes, the colours red and blue

For some reason, it can’t quite sink in that I am leaving (again!) in about two days.
Where did summer go? It disappeared in a flurry of flavoured smoke and whiskey, conversation and silences, late nights and hot days. As usual, it seems like such a long time has passed, from that [...]

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I don’t live here anymore.

In the night I unlock the windows and they make a swishing sound as I draw the pane of glass across. Taman Tun lies before me, the lights glittering, the far-away sound of cars from a distant highway. At three am, the world’s citizens sum to two: me and the lights. There isn’t a single [...]

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